OPEN HEART SURGERY ON LOVE
CHAPTER OF SELF
CHAPTER OF SELF
First
crush, first love, first date, first kiss and first break up, are all stages of
maturing up. Love is a teacher. The lessons to be learnt are all on SELF: Self-worth, self-confidence, self-esteem,
self-respect, and self-love. Loving your self is the first and foremost lesson
and duty. Spend time working on self, giving yourself time and energy.
Experience your own power. To love your self is the beginning of a lifelong
romance. Be kind and listen to your heart. Enjoy the ride. Happiness and pain
are the exercises, for your heart making it stronger every time. Love is always
present, you have to feel it or not feel it.
SELF REPLENISHING WELL
Man is a well of energy. The well has to be active always. You have to keep drawing the water out of the well all of the time. This is how the well fills up. If you close down the well, then the water dries up. The springs that feed the well, clog up and the stagnant water evaporates. Man, like the well must be active and continue loving, as long as, he is alive. You got to learn the correct lesson on love. When you are not in love, then you are in fear. You are a slave of fear. Hate is, love standing upside down. You are a product of love, not sex or lust. You were born to love, in the right fashion and not be a part of the population explosion.
Man is a well of energy. The well has to be active always. You have to keep drawing the water out of the well all of the time. This is how the well fills up. If you close down the well, then the water dries up. The springs that feed the well, clog up and the stagnant water evaporates. Man, like the well must be active and continue loving, as long as, he is alive. You got to learn the correct lesson on love. When you are not in love, then you are in fear. You are a slave of fear. Hate is, love standing upside down. You are a product of love, not sex or lust. You were born to love, in the right fashion and not be a part of the population explosion.
LEARNING COMES FROM WITHIN
When you need to be loved, you take love, where ever you can find it. When you are desperate, to be loved, to feel love, to know love, then, you seek out, what you think love should be, or looks like. When you find love, or what you think love is, you will lie, steal, or even kill, to keep it. It is only a perception. You are not sure what you are looking for. Unfortunately learning about love comes from within. It cannot be given or taken away. It grows from your sense of self. You create and recreate love within yourself, if and when you have had, loving experiences in your life. By a long shot, you are not likely to have had, any such loving experiences, so you are empty inside. You are like a tourist in a strange country without a road map. You hold onto, reach out to, and find yourself embroiled in mistaken beliefs, mirages about you and love.
When you need to be loved, you take love, where ever you can find it. When you are desperate, to be loved, to feel love, to know love, then, you seek out, what you think love should be, or looks like. When you find love, or what you think love is, you will lie, steal, or even kill, to keep it. It is only a perception. You are not sure what you are looking for. Unfortunately learning about love comes from within. It cannot be given or taken away. It grows from your sense of self. You create and recreate love within yourself, if and when you have had, loving experiences in your life. By a long shot, you are not likely to have had, any such loving experiences, so you are empty inside. You are like a tourist in a strange country without a road map. You hold onto, reach out to, and find yourself embroiled in mistaken beliefs, mirages about you and love.
UNDERSTANDING LOVE THROUGH PAIN
Most
of us learn the wrong lessons of love through pain. Abusive, negligently
inflicted unnecessary pain is meted out to us. We learn to expect pain, as an
ingredient, of being loved. The loved ones will hurt you and ignore your pain.
It is never explained to you. You got to figure it out for yourself by
watching, listening, and experiencing the pain and hurt, first hand. An
abandoning father sets the pattern of love, in your life, on the boom of your
subconscious. You learn to define love, by its absence, rather than its presence,
by the pain it inflicted, rather than the joy, it was supposed to bring. If you
bear the pain of love silently, you can hope against hope, that someone will
one day love you enough, to hurt you again.
MAN SEEKS PLEASURE, WOMAN SEEKS SEED & SECURITY
People will get what they want, from you and then leave. Young girls are often tricked, by (strangers) their boyfriends, into believing that they love them, just to have sex with them. They tell lies and false praise, to get what they want from you, your piece of innocence. Then, when you really need that someone, the people you expect to be there, will not be there.
People will get what they want, from you and then leave. Young girls are often tricked, by (strangers) their boyfriends, into believing that they love them, just to have sex with them. They tell lies and false praise, to get what they want from you, your piece of innocence. Then, when you really need that someone, the people you expect to be there, will not be there.
PAIN IS PART OF THE TOTAL PACKAGE
Paradoxically
people deny each other love, compassion, and understanding that they both yearn
for. You have to be aware, of your fears that love can hurt. This fear, does
not allow new people, to come close to you and become intimate. It is tough for
most of us, to open up our hearts and receive love and enjoy it, instead of
getting frightened by it. Of course, love does not come with a guarantee, to
not to, hurt you. Love sometimes, does hurt, but that is the chance, we all
have to take. When the other person leaves, we don’t cease to be wonderful, for
whatever reason. Unfortunately, we misunderstand the happening and close our
hearts and shut down. We are afraid of living out, our feelings of pain, and
sadness.
NO SCHOOLS TEACH LOVE & LOVING
Love is not your power; it is your helplessness, utter helplessness. It is a cry of a weeping heart. Just accept it. People are loveless. Nobody knows how to love. You are taught, the wrong lessons of romantic love, abstract love, and fairy tale love. You are taught, by your role models about domestic love, passionate love. The urgency, to settle down in life is pushed. You are pressurized to acquire, all that foolish baggage, furniture, house, and family, at the cost of your life. They say, you must postpone, true love and loving now. You are bulldozed, into the path of suffering with passionate love or being lonely, without love.
Love is not your power; it is your helplessness, utter helplessness. It is a cry of a weeping heart. Just accept it. People are loveless. Nobody knows how to love. You are taught, the wrong lessons of romantic love, abstract love, and fairy tale love. You are taught, by your role models about domestic love, passionate love. The urgency, to settle down in life is pushed. You are pressurized to acquire, all that foolish baggage, furniture, house, and family, at the cost of your life. They say, you must postpone, true love and loving now. You are bulldozed, into the path of suffering with passionate love or being lonely, without love.
PASSIONATE LOVE IS HOT &
UNIDIRECTIONAL
It
is directed to one person. Love means to desire with immense intensity. It is
between you and someone else, a stranger to begin with. Then, as time goes by,
you think, you become familiar and friendly with the stranger. After some more
time has passed, you get fed up of the familiar face and body. The intense
desire, for this stranger, has burnt out. Now, you desire a new stranger, to
replace the familiar stranger. Love is spontaneous, the unknown, the
unexpected. Passionate love does not come, alone. It brings with it, its own
troublesome baggage of jealousy, possessiveness, anger, fighting, quarreling,
nagging, intolerance, domination. It’s part of the total package.
COSMIC MYSTERY
First you look for a perfect mate. The perfect one is nowhere to be found. It may happen, some time, in the future. You are so lonely, without love. Eventually, you do get together with an almost perfect mate. You are still unhappy, because of minor imperfections, in your mate. The nose is slightly longer, the teeth are not aligned, the complexion is over tanned, or the gait is lethargic. You end up with no love, in every situation. How you deal with love, is how LOVE will deal with you. Falling in love is a comic and Cosmic Mystery. How it happens? When it happens? You don’t know. Love is a gift that chooses you, for a brief period of time. You do not choose love, but you are supposed to celebrate it, accept it, feel it filling you up and overflowing your heart, then reach out and give it away. Give it back to the person who brought it, alive, in you. Give it to others, who seem poor in spirit, around you. When we are in love, our hearts open up and we are able to get in touch, with those weak spots, within ourselves, making us feel perfect and wonderful.
LOVE IS SEASONAL - IT IS IN THE AIR
Love
has its own time, season, and reason for coming and going. You cannot bribe it,
coerce it, or reason it, into staying, when it chooses to fly away. You should do nothing if and when love
decides to leave. Just let go. Let it go away. Do not try to hold on to it, nor
reclaim it. We want answers, there are no answers. There is no meaning, beyond
the love itself. Feel honored, that someone loves you, but unfortunately, you
do not feel love for that someone. Gently, refuse the gift that you cannot
return or reciprocate. Never take advantage and cause pain. Keep your heart
open, love will come back again. Simply trust it and trust yourself.
COMPASSIONATE LOVE, IS THE RIGHT LESSON ON LOVE
It
is on top of the ladder of love. It is between you and all the existence. It is
“love all”, as they say in lawn tennis. This love is long lasting because it is
cool. Once you have mastered balancing on this rung of the ladder you are ready
for the next step. The step of gratitude! Compassionate love is your personal
trainer for gratitude. Just wait for it to happen. Be aware, intensely because
the number one enemy of ego can strike anytime and sabotage your plans. Ego can
resist the happening of gratitude, to you. Love one self and fill up. Then go
out and share it with every other, unconditionally. Does it not make more sense
to enjoy all the time? Those who love
deeply and are truly mated, have no desire to dominate others or to initiate
wars. Love is desire, effort and forgiveness intermingled in equal proportions.
It is concentrated kinetic energy with positive electrical impulses capable of
energizing WISHES into REALITY, and manifest marvelous magic. It can counteract
gravity, allowing you to levitate, recall of previous incarnations, and even
reverse your aging process.
EMOTIONS :
By starving our emotions we become Humorless, rigid and stereotyped.
By repressing them we become literal, reformatory, and holier.
By encouraging them, they perfume.
By discouraging them, they poison.
Love permeates every particle of creation.
Love is the divine power & balancing force in creation.
Love all fearlessly and consciously to maintain growth and flow.
Love cannot be described, It can only be felt.
Love like rain can nourish from above, drenching couples with soaking joy.
Do love now without conditions, instead of bringing flowers to my grave.
Falling in love is permission to feel love, it binds and heals.
Life has to end but love does not.
Cosmic bliss manifests without any material cause.
Home – cannot be tired of loving.
You make me love you.
Joy comes from wanting others to be happy.
Many beings but one breathe
Many cows but one milk
Many jewels but one gold
Many flowers but one worship
Many nations but one Earth
Many storms but one sky
Many forms of almighty but one God
Many souls but one Supreme Soul.
LOVE IS THE NATURAL STATE OF EVERY SOUL
just give unconditionally & when you don’t then….
Commit to being an EPIC LOVER. There is no greater challenge, and no greater prize. Your woman deserves that from you. Be the type of husband your wife can’t help but brag about. The woman that told him ‘I do’, and trusted her life with him, has been waiting for this man to step up. If your marriage isn’t what you want it to be, take 100% responsibility for YOUR PART in marriage, regardless of where your spouse is at, and commit to applying these lessons while there is time.
No love for work/job/making love, then FATIGUE
NEVER STOP COURTING. Never stop dating. NEVER EVER take that woman for GRANTED. When you asked her to marry you, you promised to be that man, that would OWN HER HEART and to fiercely protect it. This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. SHE CHOSE YOU. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love.
If craving for more love in present then ADDICTION
FALL IN LOVE OVER and OVER and OVER again. You will constantly change. You’re not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday. SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don’t take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may never be able to get it back. Always fight to win her love just as you did when you were courting her.
If negating love to self then ALLERGY
PROTECT YOUR OWN HEART. Just as you committed to being the protector of her heart, you must guard your own with the same vigilance. Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except for your wife. Keep that space always ready to receive her and invite her in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there.
If Closed & rigid to love then ARTHRITIS
FILL HER SOUL EVERYDAY… learn her love languages and the specific ways that she feels important and validated and CHERISHED. Ask her to create a list of 10 THINGS that make her feel loved and memorize those things and make it a priority everyday to make her feel like a queen.
BE PRESENT. Give her not only your time, but your focus, your attention and your soul. Do whatever it takes to clear your head so that when you are with her you are fully WITH HER. Treat her as you would your most valuable client. She is.
When not open to love & bitter then DIABETES
BE WILLING TO TAKE HER SEXUALLY, to carry her away in the power of your masculine presence, to consume her and devour her with your strength, and to penetrate her to the deepest levels of her soul. Let her melt into her feminine softness as she knows she can trust you fully.
When In confusion & restless in present then INDIGESTION
ALWAYS SEE THE BEST in her. Focus only on what you love. What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you, all you will see is reasons to be bugged. If you focus on what you love, you can’t help but be consumed by love. Focus to the point where you can no longer see anything but love, and you know without a doubt that you are the luckiest man on earth to be have this woman as your wife.
When Controlling others in present then INSANITY
IT’S NOT YOUR JOB TO CHANGE OR FIX HER… your job is to love her as she is with no expectation of her ever changing. And if she changes, love what she becomes, whether it’s what you wanted or not. Can you change or fix the world. NO Then why even attempt such am impossible task and waste your valuable energies. The children & spouse fall in this category of world.
TAKE FULL ACCOUNTABILITY for your own emotions: It’s not your wife’s job to make you happy, and she CAN’T make you sad. You are responsible for finding your own happiness, and through that your joy will spill over into your relationship and your love.
When attached to love in present, its mine then BLINDNESS
NEVER BLAME your wife If YOU get frustrated or angry at her, it is only because it is triggering something inside of YOU. They are YOUR emotions, and your responsibility. When you feel those feelings take time to get present and to look within and understand what it is inside of YOU that is asking to be healed. You were attracted to this woman because she was the person best suited to trigger all of your childhood wounds in the most painful way so that you could heal them… when you heal yourself, you will no longer be triggered by her, and you will wonder why you ever were.
FORGIVE IMMEDIATELY and focus on the future rather than carrying weight from the past. Don’t let your history hold you hostage. Holding onto past mistakes that either you or she makes, is like a heavy anchor to your marriage and will hold you back. FORGIVENESS IS FREEDOM. Cut the anchor loose and always choose love.
If Unable to give love & allow the flow then ASTHMA
GIVE HER SPACE… The woman is so good at giving and giving, and sometimes she will need to be reminded to take time to nurture herself. Sometimes she will need to fly from your branches to go and find what feeds her soul, and if you give her that space she will come back with new songs to sing…. (okay, getting a little too poetic here, but you get the point. Tell her to take time for herself, ESPECIALLY after you have kids. She needs that space to renew and get re-centered, and to find herself after she gets lost in serving you, the kids and the world.)
When In Denial about love then CRIPPLED
ALLOW YOUR WOMAN TO JUST BE. When she’s sad or upset, it’s not your job to fix it, it’s your job to HOLD HER and let her know it’s ok. Let her know that you hear her, and that she’s important and that you are that pillar on which she can always lean. The feminine spirit is about change and emotion and like a storm her emotions will roll in and out, and as you remain strong and non-judging, she will trust you and open her soul to you… DON’T RUN-AWAY WHEN SHE’S UPSET. Stand present and strong and let her know you aren’t going anywhere. Listen to what she is really saying behind the words and emotion.
BE SILLY… don’t take yourself so damn seriously. Laugh. And make her laugh. Laughter makes everything else easier.
DON’T BE AN IDIOT…. And don’t be afraid of being one either. You will make mistakes and so will she. Try not to make too big of mistakes, and learn from the ones you do make. You’re not supposed to be perfect, just try to not be too stupid.
BE VULNERABLE… you don’t have to have it all together. Be willing to share your fears and feelings, and quick to acknowledge your mistakes.
If Afraid to lose love in future then PARALYSIS
BE FULLY TRANSPARENT. If you want to have trust you must be willing to share EVERYTHING… Especially those things you don’t want to share. It takes courage to fully love, to fully open your heart and let her in when you don’t know i she will like what she finds… Part of that courage is allowing her to love you completely, your darkness as well as your light. DROP THE MASK… If you feel like you need to wear a mask around her, and show up perfect all the time, you will never experience the full dimension of what love can be.
DON’T WORRY ABOUT MONEY. Money is a game, find ways to work together as a team to win it. It never helps when teammates fight. Figure out ways to leverage both persons strength to win.
If Already lost love in past then, Sorrow & HEARTACHE
NEVER STOP GROWING TOGETHER… The stagnant pond breeds malaria, the flowing stream is always fresh and cool. Atrophy is the natural process when you stop working a muscle, just as it is if you stop working on your relationship. Find common goals, dreams and visions to work towards. In the end MARRIAGE isn’t about Happily ever after. It’s about work. And a commitment to grow together and a willingness to continually invest in creating something that can endure eternity. Through that work, the happiness will come. Marriage is life, and it will bring ups and downs. Embracing all of the cycles and learning to learn from and love each experience will bring the strength and perspective to keep building, one brick at a time.
If seeking love in present then INCONTENANCE (lustful)
ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. In the end, this is the only advice you need. If this is the guiding principle through which all your choices is governed, there is nothing that will threaten the happiness of your marriage. Love will always endure. But these are lessons I am learning and committed in carrying forward. Truth is, I LOVED being married, and in time, I will get married again, and when I do, I will build it with a foundation that will endure any storm and any amount of time.
These are lessons learnt the hard way & too late.
EMOTIONS :
By starving our emotions we become Humorless, rigid and stereotyped.
By repressing them we become literal, reformatory, and holier.
By encouraging them, they perfume.
By discouraging them, they poison.
Love permeates every particle of creation.
Love is the divine power & balancing force in creation.
Love all fearlessly and consciously to maintain growth and flow.
Love cannot be described, It can only be felt.
Love like rain can nourish from above, drenching couples with soaking joy.
Do love now without conditions, instead of bringing flowers to my grave.
Falling in love is permission to feel love, it binds and heals.
Life has to end but love does not.
Cosmic bliss manifests without any material cause.
Home – cannot be tired of loving.
You make me love you.
Joy comes from wanting others to be happy.
Many beings but one breathe
Many cows but one milk
Many jewels but one gold
Many flowers but one worship
Many nations but one Earth
Many storms but one sky
Many forms of almighty but one God
Many souls but one Supreme Soul.
Personally, I too had my share of kisses, infatuations,
crushes but luckily no heart breaks. Frankly speaking at 70 years I still
continue to have crushes and friendships with newer and newer strangers all the
time. I am still working on compassionate love side of mine. I find everyone charming
and lovable. I feel love for every person I come across. I connect with
strangers quickly and diffuse explosive situations easily with smiles and
humor. I was fortunate enough to be loved by my parents, aunts and uncles.
Therefore now I can pass on that same love to others. My children were
fortunate too to get sufficient love from us as they were growing up, and now
they are full and overflowing with love for themselves and others.
Rohit Khanna - IN-SPIRED & IN-FATUATED
