RESPECT IS THE DEMONSTRATION OF ALL VALUES-IMBIBING VALUES
ABSENCE OF SELF WORTH
Mothers provide the life blood, mind energy, and soul food, to every child who needs it, in order to flourish. Fathers show us how to survive; mothers teach us how to blossom. Mothers help to nurture, the unfolding of the soul, of the child. But when a mother does not know, she is a mother or how to mother, the children around her become lost. They learn the wrong lesson. She is not sensitive to their needs. Her words are spoken harshly and actions are abrupt. She is authoritarian. She knows the rules of mothering but does not possess the grace. The grace of the mother’s love will break the rules, when it is necessary in order to nourish a child.
NOT GOOD ENOUGH FEELING
In the face of an authoritarian mother or caretaker, a child’s growth is stunted. The child will have an unfolded heart. It is too difficult, even painful, for them to express, how they feel, or what they need. Unexpressed feelings and needs lead to anger and fear. Eventually they grow up to be a bad parent, with a closed heart. Children learn early in life, that adults place value on perceived beauty. Children who are not valued and protected feel that they are not beautiful and worthy of protection. The truth is that beauty is, on the inside not out there.
SENSE OF BELONGING & APPROVAL
Children yearn for their parent’s approval. They need to belong and this important need motivates our behavior in life. A little girls relationship with her father, impacts her relationship with men, in real life. Why are girls, into people pleasing, all the time? You cannot make people like you, no matter how hard you try.
The lesson is: What you think about yourself, is more important, than what others think about you? Since you do not get external acceptance, and approval, you are desperately seeking; you reinforce the belief, that you are neither worthy nor valuable, or good enough. You continue to work harder, in the wrong direction, learning the lesson, upside down. Parents and role models distract you, from yourself. They are uncomfortable, giving you unconditional love. They want you to become, something else, apart from what you already are. They focus on your transformation and make sure that you are not content as you are. This implies that you are worthless. You are unworthy, undeserving, and not good enough. They teach you the wrong lesson to be dishonest with yourself. This is the starting point, of all future sufferings and miseries to come.
DADDY’S GIRL
All little girls, want to be loved, praised, and protected by their daddies. A daddy is a hero to his little girl, even if the whole world thinks, he is a bum. Daddy can do no wrong, except to hurt mommy. No girl wants to disappoint her daddy, so she tries very hard. Girls loved to be swooped up for a good job done, by their daddies, which is an essential element to the tender budding psyche of hers. No matter what is going on in the little girls’ life, she believes that her daddy can fix it, save her, and make everything better, even if, he cannot. Little girls learn a lot from the women, they grow up around, whether they are related or not. Older women are like midwives, who assist in the birth, of a young woman’s consciousness. Young girls with budding breasts and plump round bottoms need woman hood training, in the sacred art and science of becoming a woman. She must be extremely sensitive, of her feminine side, as it grows within her and through her.
LACK OF SELF RESPECT
The seeds of miserable lifestyle are surely sown in childhood very early in life. Self esteem, or commonly known as self confidence is the single most key ingredient in determining ones attitude latter in life. Parents can help build up this prime raw material or miss out on it totally. Apart from missing out, parents unconsciously help build up negative esteem which grows like a fungus and takes roots so firmly that it can never be rectified ever. The core of the negative esteem is FEAR. It is injected into your mind, soul and body very slowly, and you as an innocent soul absorb it unconsciously. In all your early years, this dragon of fear if hammered into you thousands of times till you give up and accept it meekly against your will. It starts with fear of God, fear of society at large, fear of other people, fear of loss of the Family Honor and Respect, all invisible entities that exist only in the mind of elders around you.
OTHER PEOPLE’S PERCEPTION IS MORE IMPORTANT
To be exact, it the fear of what other people might think of your actions, behavior and dealings. Their thinking about you was more important, than your own life. In short you were utterly confused and tormented mentally about these invented ghosts. All this lead you into a doubting Tom. You walked the planet like a vacillating idiot, perpetually in a dilemma, to be or not to be, to act or not to act at all. Of course you choose to err on the safe side and held back everything, closed your self in a shell, instead of opening up, blossoming up and growing up normally and fully functional. You moved ahead in life with brakes on. You inched forward at snail slow speed while others raced fast by you over taking you at top speed, and you watched helplessly. The brakes can be quantified as over protective parents, never letting you be alone, breathing over your shoulders, helping you in every task, you did as if you were mentally challenged already. This did lead you to be partially mentally challenged eventually. The “brakes on” mode generated heat and pain in you. You ended up feeling hurt at all times, nursing past hurts and never forgetting them, feeling upset and dissatisfied with everything and everyone, taking every remark, situation personally, allowing yourself to switch off hundreds of times in a day. Being unhappy without any reason whatsoever, always complaining and blaming others, including your God was an everyday routine. The over whelming feeling, of scarcity in your life, in spite of having everything, never left you! A closed mindset and I know all, attitude was a big help too. All of these special qualities made sure that you had very limited physical skills and lots of self limiting beliefs.
I can not speak in public.
I can not change my profession.
I can not manage in a new town.
I can not handle sales and strangers.
I can not swim or go sailing, boating.
I can not give up the entire existing environment.
That everything is wrong and nothing is right.
That the whole world is plotting against you.
This is a superb recipe for misery. We as parents need to understand, where we are, leading our children to?
Rohit Khanna ..IN-RESPECT OF OWN SOUL & OTHERS TOO
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