ON BEING A WOMAN - FOR MEN & MENTAL HEALTH

ON BEING A WOMAN - for  man's understanding of his future MENTAL HEALTH
 
The plight of girl child continues - part III
How you treat woman in your life, backfires big time as poor pitiable mental health - beware of this aspect.
 
DISTINCT  STAGES OF GROWING UP
 
A woman goes through multiple stages of growing up. First as a giggling girl, maturing into an attractive woman, metamorphosing into a responsible mother, teacher, home maker, and finally a coaching granny. In all of these separate compartments she undergoes massive physical bodily changes which are brought about by the secretion of hundreds of chemicals & hormones inside her delicate body. These chemicals are responsible for all the chaotic emotions that invade her mind, splitting her personality into tiny fragments. 
 
THE  GIGGLING GIRL
 
The giggling girl has to come to terms with the monthly bleeding periods lasting into a week many times & endure the pain of her female anatomy. It is a big price to pay just to be a girl, of the opposite sex. She is smart enough to hide these painful days while she performs her daily chores and normal interactions with the outer world in school & in the neighborhood. Her dual life has just started. Inwardly uncomfortable but outwardly displaying ease & comfort. In her life time she will produce approximately 400  female eggs, available for fertilization. Ironically  on an average she will use up one  to  four such eggs in her life span only. Nature always provides in abundance. But the poor woman has to bear the burden of disposing off the 396 unused eggs as painful periods. Humanity salutes all woman. The respect for her has just sky rocketed. 

THE GARRULOUS GAZELLE
 

The beauty of the feminine is the Natural MEDICINE.

Her undulating curves of a Goddess is a BLESSING.

Delicious lusciousness of her Body is the sweet NECTAR.

Her radiance Infuses our very existence into RESONANCE.

Her Essences Infuse experiences of Ravishing WONDERS.

Her Soul flowering within & overflowing into the World is INTOXICATING.

She is the supreme pristine splendor of Earthly DELIGHTS.

She is a Vessel of Fertility, Divinity & a Chalice of CREATION.

Her generosity for human Life flourishes with magnificent GLORY. 

The emergence of a beautiful attractive enchanting cupid is totally a brand new & fascinating world for her & the neighborhood she grows up in. She is attracted to young boys because of the hormones being secreted in her body, but the fear of the consequences of pregnancy inhibit her advances. She is torn between these two opposing emotions. THE PLIGHT OF THE GIRL CHILD CONTINUES.  All the art work and paintings of the world are dedicated to her female enticing,  enchanting, irresistible being & anatomy . No movie film is complete without her. The perpetual love triangle never stops. All the beautiful & rich poetry penned down till today is on  her, in her favor & about her.  There would be no Kings & kingdoms without her. From Cleopatra to Helen of Troy & the Miss Universes/World of today, all  are so important that they go down in history lane, famous, wanted, desired.  They are above nations because nations have gone to wars over them. Again she is on a high pedestal, pretty uncomfortable inside but comfortably smiling outside for the public.
 
THE ROMANTIC BRIDE
 
The emergence of a responsible woman happens when she gets married to a stranger of her choice or her parents choice. The charm & fun of secret meetings, official dating, & love marriage is in the fortune of a selected few, who DARE.  For the rest of them they have to be content with their chosen fate, good or bad. She is bargained by her caretakers for a price & sold to prospective buyers like a commodity in many poverty stricken parts of the world. In others parts the caretakers have to shell out large chunk of money as dowry to marry her off to a prospective husband to be.  Here her passive life & living begins. These additional emotional strains become the heavy shackles that she must carry throughout her lifetime. She comes to believe that she is a burden on the parents / caretakers in either case. This very strong emotion of guilt is a huge negative, dragging factor in her up coming future life. What a cursing start does our woman get from this world, & yet we continue to have high expectations from her.  This stage can come pretty early as 10 years, in child marriages, in many parts of the world or as late as 30 / 35 years. Generally for most of them it happens around 20 to 26 years.  We are talking about the majority of women in India, China & third world poor countries. The rest of the world is a minority who do not believe in the bondage of marriage, because of the economic independence & education of both the partners. 

THE PREGNANT WIFE
 
Our woman can become pregnant anytime, now that she is married and the culture she inherits is one of  joint & large family oriented. The normal expectation is, first child in the very first year of marriage.  The parents and grand parents are eagerly waiting for the good news of pregnancy. The metamorphosis begins when she finds out that the periods have stopped. The egg has fertilized with the male sperm. The flood of new motherly hormones begins pouring inside her body. The Oxytocin is responsible for motherly emotions emerging in her. Emotions of  over whelming love for the new baby, fierce protection from all dangers, bonding, care, breast feeding satisfaction, positive feed back loops, contentment of snuggles and Coos, invisible connections, empathy to smell good.  The Dopamine is responsible for another half dozen emotions of serious fears, anxiety, aggression, constant worry, prioritizing babies needs, & depression.  It definitely brings in another serious aspect of being a responsible mother is  her compulsive behavior of cleanliness, washing hands, hygiene, & obsessive checking for breathing of the baby. So many diverse emotions in one female package is a tall order. Her counter part, male species with a handful of emotions is a dwarf in front of her.   The anticipation of baby's arrival is a special world by itself, which can not be shared by anyone else except herself. She is dividing herself into two separate parts & creating new life. This moment is Divine because her ever accommodating anatomy is housing TWO SOULS AT THE SAME TIME. She is very fortunate to have this unique experience in her inner mental privacy.   

THE MOTHER TO BE
 
The fear of delivering, the excruciating pain involved is combined & intermingled with the pleasure & satisfaction of creation of a new life. The encouragement from all the members of the joint family keeps her going. The experienced mothers & grandmothers at home are busy preparing for the final day & boosting her morale every minute. The body is in major discomfort. The pelvic region has expanded, the stomach is stretched to its limits, the skin is cracking up & the weight of the baby is unbearable when standing up, hence she lies down to compensate the distribution of the weight in the lower area. The mother to be, is made to walk & do easy exercises of the limbs to help deliver the child normally. Extra care is given to her diet and all good things are included in it. She is kept amused & emotionally happy at all times despite all the discomfort going on inside her body. The focus is on delivering a healthy baby. The mother to be gets top priority in all matters at home. Most poverty stricken families are not so fortunate to afford all the comforts that are a must for the mother to be. Many such working mothers go to work up to the last day of delivery. Hats off to all of them.     

A CHANGED WOMAN
 
Woman is hard wired for bringing up children and she must be aware of everything happening around her at all times. Please do not under estimate the LEVEL OF  AWARENESS over flowing in her. This faculty  is automatically extended  to encompass  her husband & all  his actions,  doings   in life. What he is doing, why he is acting like this, how does he eat, what clothes is he wearing and the list goes on. Man beware of these scrutinizing  roaming eyes.  When  you see her innocent face, you miss out  the underlying signage - YOU ARE MONITORED  BY HIDDEN HUMAN SURVEILLANCE CAMERAS AT ALL TIMES.  This message is totally camouflaged by her enticing gestures & advances which hypnotize you in not deciphering it. Such an over sight gets you into trouble & tight corners. Then you wonder, where you went wrong & realize how dumb you are.  Woman is always smarter than man, no doubt about it. Another word of caution here : Do not make the blunder of responding to her when she is thinking ALOUD or TALKING TO HERSELF.

A SUCCESSFUL HOMEMAKER
 
She has successfully delivered three to four children and earned the certificate of a mature mother. Now  she ventures into bringing them up as best as she can with all the help she can get from her husband & the extended joint family. This is a high energy consuming full time job, usually spilling into overtime up to midnight with no wages & very little appreciation to come with. Our woman is always tired & drained of energy by running after the children, catching them doing the unforgivable acts of mischief, many times rescuing them from life threatening dangers. The responsibility is truly gigantic but seemingly looks normal. Our woman has gone through hell to give birth to these innocent devils and lots of human investment is at stake if she were to loose one of them through over sight, carelessness, lethargy, or any other count. This is the main reason that she is always on her toes & at the brink of breaking down because of the constant anxiety, worry &  watchfulness. This is our SUPER WOMAN.  

A PARADIGM SHIFT
 
This hectic schedule of our changed  woman is nowhere matching up with the initial romantic bride available for exploration.  She is the woman in charge of the house hold and all romance is on hold too. Limited Sex & almost instantaneous child birth has deformed  her body & ruined her life, if she has any left now.  The sex appeal has gone so has the desire for any intimate contact. Now she seeks compassion instead of passion. The responsible mother has new set of priorities, yet she accommodates the persistent romantic overtures from her life partner to some extent against her bodily aversions for such physical contact. Again she is leading a dual emotional battle inside her tender mind, & her partner is totally unaware of such a predicament.    This lack of sensitivity on part of the male, is a major factor in break ups, leading to broken homes. The Ego laden man of the house, her partner must understand this paradigm shift  to the core.  Growth, changing emotional needs & growing older is a natural phenomenon.  The faster you accept it, better it becomes for everyone in the family, society & the nation. 

LIBERATING  MENOPAUSE
 
The young brats have grown up into tall handsome hulks or bewitching maidens & gone off to universities to study or work elsewhere in some far off cities. The once busy & overflowing nest  is now empty. Soon they will choose their own partners or our woman & her husband will repeat the same mistakes of arranging their marriages with strangers who they think are a good match for their children. The mental battles continue on every situation that the world can throw at them. One last anatomical change in her body is still to come. It is the menopause, she has been waiting for. Finally the saga of bleeding periods comes to an end. This liberating exit is painful too like its beginning. It is a signal for her lustful husband to change his attitude towards her as a desirable object, MEN-O-PAUSE. Ironically now was the time to enjoy intimate sex without the fear of pregnancy, but there is no inclination for it now. The corresponding hormone  of estrogen has dried up in her body. Rather at this stage she has developed aversion for any physical contact. This is bad news for the single track husband, who firmly believes that lust is love, thus denying our woman, her due share of love. This erroneous attitude causes our woman  to withdraw & distance from her man, leaving him alone & lonely more and more, when both partners want exactly the opposite – more Love-full intimacy. From the very start she was after your seed not you, while you were after her, her intimacy - OPPOSING WANTS.
   
A GRACEFUL GRANNY
 
It is time to ripen up a notch further for our woman who has had a grueling life so far. She is evolving into a gentle graceful grandmother of her children's children. The numerous grand children will be nursed, assisted in their births, & latter on coached by her. Her worn-out body may be frail but her will power & determination is still strong as steel. She reminiscences her youthful days sitting in her rocking chair & is ever busy knitting woolen clothes for her favorite grand children or happily making jams, sauces & pickles for the extended family. Her male counter part is no match for her domestic enterprise. He remains a silent witness or at best an incognito helper. 

Man - you are just a catalyst in HER life - Beware. You have the Illusion that you have Her & possess her But the truth is OTHER-WISE.

Rohit Khanna - IN-CHARGE & IN-VISIBLE