IS MARRIAGE AN OPTION FOR YOU??
First we must define & understand this Union of Male & Female.
The definition of "union" and "marriage" in modern society has broadened immensely from a sole focus on procreation. While biological drives are part of our make-up, they are intertwined with complex psychological, emotional, and social needs that drive human connection in myriad forms, including same-sex relationships and age-gap relationships. The underlying desire for companionship, support, intimacy, and shared life remains a universal human longing, regardless of the specific configuration of the couple. The ultimate question for individuals remains: what kind of union will bring you genuine happiness, fulfillment, and a sense of belonging?
HORMONES THE DRIVERS FOR PRCREATION
Nature has implanted very wonderful Hormonal drivers in humans to bring them together for the sole purpose of PROCREATION. The initial stage is marked by increased levels of testosterone and estrogen to drive sexual desire and sexual satisfaction. In this stage, sex is the goal, and testosterone and estrogen are the drivers in moving two people toward that goal.
Here pleasure is top most in the minds of the couples stealing togetherness where ever & when ever they can. Intimate Touching, smooching, kissing, rubbing, exploring the other with penetrations, all bring lots of pleasure & happiness. Long term commitment is no where in sight or in the minds. Word of caution. If all of the above makes you uncomfortable, irritable, repulsive, & painful then hold your horses & back out. You are not conducive to this universal idea of marriage. Apart from nature’s master plan for Procreation, humans tend to deviate towards other diverse bodily needs & emotional urges.
SEXUALITY IS A JOURNEY, NOT A DESTINATION
For many people, understanding their attractions is a process that unfolds over time. What you feel at 15 might evolve as you grow, have more experiences, and get to know yourself better. Some people know very early on, while for others, it takes longer to figure out. There's no right or wrong timeline.
Focus on Feelings, Not Labels
Instead of trying to label yourself right now, focus on who you feel drawn to. Do you find yourself admiring certain qualities in boys, girls, or both? Do you feel a connection with someone that makes you happy, regardless of their gender? Pay attention to those feelings without putting pressure on yourself to define them.
What You Can Do Now
Be Open to Experiences: As you meet new people and navigate different social situations, be open to forming connections. These connections can help you understand what you're looking for in a relationship.
Attraction is a Lifelong Experience
The attraction stage is when chemical brain messengers Dopamine and Norepinephrine start to spike in the brain. These two hormones are tied to feeling good and stimulate the reward system in your brain. Attraction, whether it's physical, emotional, or intellectual, is a fundamental part of the human experience that doesn't just disappear at a certain age. Our capacity to appreciate beauty, vitality, and connection continues throughout our lives. For many, the experience of attraction can even deepen with age, as you have more life experience and a clearer sense of what you appreciate in others.This initial, intensely physical phase, while powerful and primal, is typically not the foundation upon which a lasting marriage is built. While the biological imperative for procreation is undeniable, human relationships are far more complex than just a drive for sexual gratification.
THE BONDING HORMONES KICK IN LATER
As couples move beyond the initial rush of hormones, other factors begin to emerge that are crucial for the development of a deeper, more sustainable bond. For many, the transition from purely physical attraction to a desire for long-term commitment involves the activation of different neurochemical pathways and the development of emotional intimacy. Hormones like oxytocin, often called the "love hormone" or" bonding hormone," play a significant role in fostering feelings of attachment, trust, and well-on-being. It is released during physical intimacy, but also through shared experiences, emotional vulnerability, and acts of care. Similarly, vasopressin is associated with monogamous pair-bonding and protective behaviors. These hormones contribute to the sense of security and connection that are vital for a committed relationship. Beyond the biological, the decision to marry often involves a conscious choice to build a life together based on shared values, mutual respect, and a deep understanding of each other's needs and aspirations. This goes beyond immediate gratification and delves into areas like:
Emotional Connection: The ability to communicate openly, share vulnerabilities, offer support during challenging times, and genuinely enjoy each other's company.
Shared Life Goals: Aligning on significant life decisions, such as career paths, financial management, family planning (including whether to have children and how to raise them), and where to live.
Trust and Reliability: Building a foundation of unwavering trust, where each partner feels safe, secure, and confident in the other's commitment and integrity.
Conflict Resolution: Developing healthy strategies for navigating disagreements and challenges, recognizing that conflict is inevitable but can be overcome with mutual effort and respect.
Companionship and Friendship: Beyond the romantic and sexual aspects, a strong marriage often involves a deep friendship, where partners genuinely enjoy spending time together and are each other's confidantes.
Therefore, while the initial hormonal surge is a powerful catalyst, a successful and fulfilling marriage typically requires a transition to a more mature and multifaceted love. It involves consciously choosing to nurture emotional intimacy, build shared lives, and commit to supporting each other through all of life's stages.
Beyond the Procreative Imperative: The Rich Tapestry of Human Relationships
It is right to point out that the initial phase focuses on a very narrow, biologically driven view of heterosexual procreation. Human relationships, including marriage, are incredibly diverse and complex, extending far beyond this singular purpose. Let's expand on those Deviations as they are very much a part of the human experience of love and partnership.
SEX AND PLEASURE FOR MEN
Arousal for men often starts with an erection and is a reflexive response to thoughts, fantasies, and physical stimulation. Pleasure can be both physical and emotional for men. Sex builds closeness and affection with your partner, which adds to the pleasure and satisfaction of sex. Men also get pleasure from a partner’s pleasure during sex. Studies show men who have sex with women often feel responsible for her pleasure or for the lack of an orgasm. Men tend to feel guilty if they only get pleasure during sex.
SEX AND PLEASURE FOR WOMEN
Only about 50% of women regularly have orgasms during sex, compared to 90% or more of men. Lots of women are able to reach orgasm during masturbation but find the orgasms better and more satisfying when stemming from penetrative sex with a partner. If there is no orgasm, which can lower self-esteem and affect overall s sometimes said that orgasms aren’t important to all women, but studies show that women who don’t have them find their sex life unsatisfying. This suggests that pleasure does matter to women. So, why do women have so much trouble reaching pleasure during sex? The most common cause is not enough stimulation, but it can also happen because of stress, worry, hormonal changes, and other problems. While the evolutionary drive for procreation is a foundational aspect of our biology, human beings possess complex cognitive, emotional, and social capacities that allow for a vast spectrum of relationships, many of which are not solely, or even primarily, about reproduction. The concept of "marriage" itself has evolved significantly across cultures and time, reflecting changing societal values and individual needs.
Lesbianism and Homosexuality:
The idea that sexual attraction and relationships exist solely for procreation is fundamentally challenged by homosexuality and lesbianism. Scientific consensus points to sexual orientation being a complex interplay of genetic, hormonal, and environmental influences, often established before birth. It's not a choice or a deviation from a "norm" in a moral sense, but a natural variation of human sexuality.
Love and Connection: For LGBTQ+ individuals, as with heterosexual individuals, relationships are driven by a deep desire for love, emotional connection, companionship, intimacy, and shared life experiences. These relationships fulfill fundamental human needs for belonging, support, and affirmation.
Family Building: While biological procreation in the traditional sense isn't possible for same-sex couples without third-party assistance, many lesbian and gay couples build families through adoption, surrogacy, or co-parenting arrangements. Their desire for family and children is just as profound and valid.
Societal Acceptance: Historically, homosexuality has faced immense stigma and discrimination, often due to misinformed biological and religious interpretations. However, increasing societal understanding and acceptance have led to legal recognition of same-sex marriage in many parts of the world, acknowledging that these unions offer the same benefits and contribute to societal well-being as heterosexual ones.
Young Women Wanting Married Men:
This dynamic is less about a "deviation" in sexual orientation and more about complex psychological and social factors that can influence attraction. While ethically problematic due to the existing commitment, some potential reasons include:
Mate-Copying or Pre-Selection: Some theories suggest that women may be unconsciously attracted to men who are already in a relationship because it signals that the man is "pre-selected" or desirable to others. He's already proven to be capable of commitment (to someone), stable, or resourceful, making him seem like a "safer" or higher-value choice.
Perceived Stability and Resources: Married men, particularly older ones, may be perceived as more financially stable, emotionally mature, and settled in their lives, offering a sense of security that might be appealing to younger women seeking a provider or a stable partner.
Thrill of the Forbidden/Challenge: For some, the illicit nature of the relationship can be a draw, providing a sense of excitement or challenge.
Emotional Unavailability/Lower Expectations: Ironically, a married man may be seen as less demanding of full commitment, allowing for a relationship that is more focused on pleasure or a specific need without the pressures of a traditional partnership. This can be particularly appealing if a young woman is not ready for full commitment herself. It's crucial to reiterate that pursuing a relationship with a married individual carries significant ethical concerns due to the potential for harm to the existing marriage and all parties involved.
Older Individuals Desiring Younger Partners
Age-gap relationships have been a feature of human societies throughout history, often with varying degrees of social acceptance. While the initial paragraph suggests a narrow procreative focus, these relationships often highlight other aspects of attraction and partnership:
Evolutionary Perspectives: From a purely evolutionary standpoint, a man's reproductive potential is less tied to age than a woman's. Therefore, a younger woman represents higher fertility. Conversely, men typically accumulate more resources and status with age, making them potentially more desirable as providers. This theory, while offering a partial explanation, doesn't account for the emotional and social complexities.
Youthfulness and Energy: Younger partners can bring a sense of renewed energy, vitality, and fresh perspectives to an older individual's life.
Admiration and Validation: An older partner may feel admired and desired by a younger person, which can boost self-esteem and counteract feelings associated with aging.
Guidance and Experience: Younger partners may be drawn to the wisdom, experience, and stability that an older partner can offer, acting as a mentor or a secure anchor.
Different Life Stages: Sometimes, individuals at different life stages genuinely align in their desires. An older person might have already raised children and be seeking companionship, while a younger person might not be ready for children yet but values stability.
Power Dynamics: It's important to acknowledge that significant age gaps can sometimes create power imbalances, whether financial, social, or experiential. These dynamics can be healthy if addressed with mutual respect and clear communication, but they can also lead to exploitation if one partner takes advantage of the other's vulnerability or inexperience.
Societal Perceptions: Societal views on age-gap relationships vary. While older men with younger women have historically been more accepted (though often still scrutinized), older women with younger men ("cougars") have faced greater stigma, highlighting gendered double standards. However, attitudes are slowly shifting towards greater acceptance of diverse relationship configurations as long as they are consensual, healthy, and respectful.
Why "Younger"?
There are a few reasons why someone might find themselves drawn to younger individuals:
Evolutionary or Biological Factors: From a purely biological perspective, youth is often associated with fertility and health, which can be subconsciously attractive.
Energy and Enthusiasm: Younger individuals often exude a certain energy, optimism, and zest for life that can be very appealing and invigorating to be around. This can be a refreshing contrast to the routines of daily life.
Shared Interests/Vibrancy: You might find that you connect with the interests, perspectives, or overall vibrancy that younger people bring. This isn't about looking for a specific type of relationship, but simply appreciating these qualities in others.
Confidence and Self-Awareness: As a grandfather, you likely have a strong sense of who you are and what you enjoy. This self-assurance allows you to acknowledge and appreciate your feelings of attraction without judgment.
BEING HAPPY ABOUT IT
It's great that you're happy about this feeling! There's no reason to feel shame or embarrassment about natural human emotions. Feeling attraction is a sign of vitality and being alive. The key is to acknowledge these feelings in a respectful and appropriate way. As long as your feelings remain private or are expressed in ways that are respectful of others' boundaries and do not cause harm, then there's absolutely no problem with experiencing and enjoying them.
ROHIT KHANNA - IN-VALUABLE
